padre

today is father's day.

i have decided to blog today because i think it might be therapeutic for me. i have a lot of issues with fathers and the way the ones that have been in my life have affected me and my daughter. my own father has always been a fantastic financial supplier in my life. i have never been without any material thing because of him. but when it came to a stable father figure ... not so much. my father traveled monday through friday and i saw him for two days every week. which made my relationship with my mother cramped and stressed. i guess what they say is right , if you don't have a stable father figure in your life then you tend to marry or date men who are just like that .. emotionally unavailable. or if you actually do meet someone who is you're not aware enough to notice that they are good for you. so you push them away and search for some buttface to hurt you and make you question yourself. so that it feels comfortable....normal even. crazy how life is. my daughter's father is m.i.a. and in a way its good but its really not. we live 1000 miles away from each other so it makes for hard meetings but he still should call to talk to her or help out.

i know i sound bitter but like i said blogging might help me deal with my issues and see where the cycle can be cut. i feel like when you realize something then you cant blame anything or anyone for them anymore. time to fix it. which is the current road that i just turned on.

on a different note, happy father's day to those who step up to the gift you were given. thank you.